How A Fish Can Transform Your Reality | FSTT007 - From Surviving To Thriving

Episode 7

Published on:

27th Dec 2021

How A Fish Can Transform Your Reality | FSTT007

Are you ready to find out how a fish can transform your reality?


If you’ve struggled for so long that you don’t even remember a time when you never struggled, then you won’t want to miss this because this episode was decades in the making. 

In this episode we cover

-      The three main concepts in life.

-      What separates us from the “well wishers”

-      The lie we’re told and the truth that will set you free.

-      Controlling your reality and how a fish can help you transform it.

-      A hint of something to come.

About the Host: 

Ray Bourcier - Stay-at-home father, husband, author, podcaster

A college and university environmental science graduate, Ray grew up in a toxic family and a toxic situation in Northern Ontario, Canada. As a result, he experienced the first of many PTSD events at age five, which would begin his nearly three-decade struggle with anxiety and depression.

Spending most of his life in survival mode without support, he eventually discovered and developed ways to overcome his struggles when nothing else worked. 

With a passion for helping others, he made it his mission to help transform the lives and impact the worlds of eleven million people so they too can give their best to themselves, their loved ones, and their career.

An ancient Chinese proverb that Ray loves states, "To know the road ahead, ask those coming back." Ray is on the road back to offer you the support you need every step on your journey so that you, too, will be on the same road back.  Ray believes that only those who've walked that road can truly understand the struggles that you go through. 

Together, we will become the rising tide that lifts all boats.

Together, we are unstoppable.

In his off time, you can find Ray spending time with his daughter, reading books, watching hockey, and contemplating whether pineapple belongs on pizza. 


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Thank you for joining us on from surviving to thriving podcast, a show for parents or anyone to take action on How To Overcome Anxiety and depression so you can give your best to yourself, your loved ones and your career. Now, here's your host Ray Bourcier.

Ray Bourcier:

What can a fish teach you that will help transform your life and save you decades of wasted time and frustration? Find out in today's important episode. Welcome to episode seven from surviving to thriving. If you're a parent struggling with anxiety and depression, and feeling like you're in a constant state of survival mode, then you're in the right place. I am Ray Bourcier. And I'm here to support you overcome your struggles. So you will get out of survival mode and start thriving. I hope you've had a great holiday season so far. I'm honored and grateful to be here to join you along your journey. Time is the one commodity that you can never get back. So investing your time with what serves you is the best investment that you can ever make. It's my goal to give you my best. And make sure you get the most of your time spent by serving you and supporting you to take unwavering action on transforming your life and impacting your world. In last week's episode, we talked about a powerful breathing technique used by SWAT teams, special ops and armed forces to help calm anxiety fast a method that anyone can do. I'm curious to know if you've tried it? And if so, how has it been working for you? Today's episode is really vital. It took me decades to learn and understand. And then I want to share this with you so that you can save time and frustration on your journey. And it begins with three concepts in life that are your reality. There's what we know. There's what we know that we don't know. And then there's what we don't know that we don't know. Have you like me? Had those people in your life? Who would tell you the things like I don't know why you feel so anxious or so depressed? Or what do you have to feel anxious or depressed about? or my personal favorite? It gets better and Time heals all wounds? If so, what's your initial reaction? How does it make you feel when you hear them? You know, for decades of my life, I heard those things from well wishers, as I like to call them. And every single time those words came out of their mouths, I'd roll my eyes and mutter colorful for whoever words under my breath. Don't tell me there's hope. Don't tell me it gets better. Don't tell me time heals. You won't get any of that from me. Because I understand. I know what it's like to be there. I know what it's like to feel those struggles and have no sense of control and hope. Instead, I'll be giving you something today, even more powerful than any of those well wishers could ever give you. Because I understand. Only those who have traveled the road can truly know how it feels true or true. Looking back and and now. I don't blame the well wishers who said those things. For the most part. They meant well in their own way. But unless you experienced something you don't know. You can't know. And that's the disconnect. A perfect example is giving birth. I was there for the birth of my daughter. And while I experienced the event. I couldn't experience what it was like for my wife. I don't know what I don't know. I don't know the pain and agony that goes into birth. Even as I saw it happening before my eyes. Shout out all the moms out there. Unless you walk the road, you don't know what it's like. That's as much of a fact with anxiety and depression as it is with birth.

Ray Bourcier:

And I'm going to shatter the lie right here right now and replace it with something better. Things don't get better with time and Time doesn't heal all wounds. But all is certainly not lost. Far from it. How do I know? I was there with you. Time never healed my wounds, time made it worse. Does that resonate with you? I can never know those things because I had never experienced any of them. Reality is a personal experience. Not one person will ever experience the same reality as another. One of my mentors once told me a story about identical twins who are raised by an alcoholic and abusive father. One twin would become an addict, they would become addicted to narcotics and alcohol, and would struggle for much of their life. The other went on to become a doctor. Those kids were raised in the same environment with the same experiences. But both experienced different realities, leading to entirely different journeys. When both of those twins were asked how they got to where they were in life, they each replied with the same thing. What would you have done if you were me? Same environment, same experiences, to come completely different realities. Understand that you are unique, you are special. The way you see life, the filters and lenses you experience life through will only ever be experienced by you. No one can ever live life through your eyes through your experiences. We don't know what we don't know. Knowing this do you see the power? I didn't see it for decades of my life. So it's okay, if you don't, everything comes to you at the right place at the right time. And that's why I hope this podcast, this episode is here for you at that right place and the right time. I'm here to support you to take action. So you will see and do you may not have control of the events that happen to you, or around you. But what can never be taken away from you is your ability to control your reality. More importantly, how you can transform your reality to serve you. Rather than make you feel a victim to it like I was. This is where you take your power back. I started torn this lesson after 20 years of my life with a SWAT team left me in a mess in my apartment and in my head. And if you're not familiar with that story, I suggest checking out episode three. I felt like a victim since I was five years old. But after experiencing that incident, I had something that I never had before. A spark of clarity. This is the clarity that I want you to have that I want you to understand. The best way to explain it is by talking about a fish. Yes, seriously. Let's think about this for a moment. Okay. Fish are born in the water. And they're exposed to the same environment every day of their entire life. They know nothing different every day is the same thing. How does a fish know it lives in water? Well, it doesn't. Because it's the only way it has ever known life. They just live Eat, sleep, swim, repeat. Remember, we don't know what we don't know. Does that resonate at all with you? Finding yourself always stuck living in survival mode because you never knew and the other way. always stuck with the struggles you can't seem to shake

Ray Bourcier:

One day, that fish is swimming along and feels hungry. So it decides to go after some food. And out of nowhere, this fish is experiencing a feeling of being dragged and pulled upwards. And there's nothing they can do to stop it. Something happens, and then splash. The fish opens its eyes and sees an entirely different environment. A whole new world. And don't worry, I'll spare your ears from my rendition of Aladdin karaoke. The fish feels unsupported, as it no longer has the water around it like it always had. The fishes looking at a world from a completely alien perspective. Never had the fish been able to fathom a world outside avoid it has always known because it couldn't have known. I tell you this story, because that was me. And maybe it resonates with you, too. I spent decades of my life swimming in the same garbage that other people forced upon me. I couldn't have possibly seen a new perspective in life. Because it was all I had ever known. It was all I had ever experienced. And maybe that resonates with you. That SWAT team incident was my fish out of water moment. This event was the catalyst for why and how I am here serving you today. It would become the moment that changed my perspective, that I was done swimming in the same garbage life sent me. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I'm not here telling you that it gets better or that time heals all wounds, like the well wishers because I've been there. And I know that's BS. I've been there and walk that road with you wasting decades of my life waiting for change to come. Spoiler alert, change doesn't come. It never comes to you. You have to force change, you have to build it. You build it. By taking action. You have to take action to change your perspective. The old me would have allowed myself to be the victim again, and continue the Oh woe is me story that had been my life. The old me would allow everything in everyone to control the meaning I take away from things. There are no failures in the life. There's only one failure in life. The rest of it are only lessons. The only failure is not getting back up and pushing forward. And the lesson learned from this story is to change your perspective to something different, something that better serves you. If you notice that you've let the world control your interpretations, your meanings and your takeaways. It's time to take back control. It's time to take back control of what you can control. Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired like I was? Are you fed up with feeling out of control, especially with how the world has been over the past number of years. If you keep doing what you've always done, you will keep getting what you've always got. It won't change if you don't take control and build change. Take a new perspective, even if you've never experienced it before. Because that's how you start to build your life, your way. It starts with taking action here today and changing your perspective. As little as 1% Small steps lead to big wins. Small steps lead to transformation. And small steps lead you to a completely different life.

Ray Bourcier:

I look back on what I experienced through my entire life with gratitude. Would I go back and lift through it all again? Hell no. But it's all about perspective. If I didn't go through what I went through for decades I wouldn't be here to support you, and to serve you right here now. So challenge yourself today to take action and have this episode, be your fish out of water moment. Take action, and transform your perspective, control what you can control, take what serves you, and focus on that. Release what doesn't serve you. And you may feel resistance to it. But resistance is there to tell you, though, this is where growth happens if you push through it. If you're not uncomfortable, you're not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone enough. The more you take action on shifting your perspective, even if it's not known to you, the more you will grow. The more you take action on shifting your perspective, even if it's to one that you've never known, the more you will grow. The more you shift your perspective and follow through, the easier it becomes. I completely understand. If you may find yourself in a situation in life, where you're either stuck with unsupportive people, or you have no support at all to help you along your way. It's not easy to take action alone. And studies from Brown University have shown you're 95% more likely to achieve your goals if you have the right support. So if you want the odds in your favor, if you want more support along your journey with people who are on the same journey as you join our tribe at Empower up dot info forward slash tribe where I go live once to twice a week. And I would love to connect with you to know how anxiety has impacted your life. And how taking unwavering action with this tool helps you. I hope this episode has helped you in some way. And if you enjoy the show and find that it does help, and you want to help be a part of our goal is to transform the lives and impact a world of 11 million people. Please spread the word to anyone you think could benefit from tuning in, as well as leave us a five star rating review on iTunes or any other platform you use so that we can expand our reach to support others. And if you leave feedback, we'll be sure to give you a shout out at the end of the show. That's it for today's episode. I'm honored and grateful to have been able to serve you here today. I'll see you in the next episode in the new year, where I'll be making a special announcement that you won't want to miss. Until then, have a great New Years. And let's do the work, whatever it takes to the journey. Much love.

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About the Podcast

From Surviving To Thriving
Helping Parents Overcome Anxiety and Depression
From Surviving To Thriving.

I support parents becoming the parents that their kids need them to be and becoming the parents they may have always needed but never had so that you can give your best to yourself, your loved ones, and your dreams.

We're not a podcast about information.
We're a podcast about transformation.
We're about taking unwavering action with the support you need to break the cycles and overcome the struggles that define you.

Episodes are released every Monday consist of what helped me and many others overcome their struggles. We cover discussions, tools, skills, stories, and interviews with exceptional people who have overcome their struggles on their journey.

I'm Ray Bourcier, and after nearly three decades of my struggles with no support, that began at age five. I've overcome a life stuck in survival mode, and I'm here to serve you the support that you may have never had but have always needed so you too will move beyond survival mode and start thriving.

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About your host

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Ray Bourcier